A Conscious Conscience

dtonhislt:

from the minute I woke up,

It was going to be a

lonely

lonely

lonely

lonely

day.

most days, i hate people. is that wrong ? idk. then again, it’s not that i hate people, i just hate human qualities, i hate these qualities even more when i’m the one doing them. i hate when people are made fun of in a cruel way, i hate when people say they hate things, i hate when people kill non-threatening bugs or animals, i hate how humans feel like the world is theirs, i hate when people are lazy and millions of other things. and yet, i do all these things, often.[although, i only kill mosquitoes when they are trying to bite me, they’re a threat at that point]. i guess i’m on a quest for perfection that i know is impossible to achieve. it’s a lost cause. but in the words of Will Turner [Orlando Bloom] in POTC: At World’s End “no cause is lost, if there is but one fool left to fight for it” . 

unfortunately for us, loyalty is dead. 

when you live your life like a movie, you’re bound to expect a sequel, but what happens when the budget runs out ?  

sometimes, i like to look in the mirror and say Fuck You, because i know that the kid in the mirror isn’t the kid he could be. he should be. i’m not talking appearance-wise, i mean i know i could be someone that will be remembered for decades to come, but..at this point i’m not. so, Fuck You self, maybe tomorrow i’ll be able to say something a little more kind. 

the “idgaf” attitude can’t work for long. eventually all these things you didn’t care about catch up with you and you start to stress out over little things.  [ this is happening to me now]. 

5. Dreams

Ambitions

it seems like my ambitions change every night. Farewell to the old one’s [judge, lawyer, and more] . I’ve given up on being a Chef but i still do want to go to culinary school and open a restaurant, even if i’m not the executive chef in it. I don’t want to be a professional author anymore, but i do want to write a few books. I can always fall back on being a journalist/movie critic, another passion of mine. But my 3 current passions Screen-Writing, Comedy, and Football. I’ve always wanted to be a pro-athlete since i first took up sports but it seems like those dreams won’t come to fruition [but i won’t give up on them]. Comedy is the thing i love most in this world, it’s what i’m best at and the thing i have the best shot in, i often doubt myself, but i know i can make it if i’m confident in myself. and Screen-Writing, my newest passion, [it’s not really new, because I’ve always wanted to be a writer, but this is a new form of writing] I’ve recently fell in love with you, and you’re another thing i’m really good at, and something i know i could succeed at if i work hard and stay motivated. With all these ambition’s it’s not about the money,[ though i would like to be able to live comfortably, it’s about my passion, and love for these things, and God-willing, i’ll be able to succeed in one [or more] of them. 

Night Movies.

i never understand you, and sometimes it seems like you’re real. i don’t try to interpret them because who knows if i’m doing it right, or if that’s what it really means. i enjoy you though, you’re always entertaining, and i’d love to continue having you over at night.

6. Stranger.

i always tell the strangers that i’m not comfortable that my name is Craig [as in Craig Mack], idk why, i just to. go figure. 

7. Ex Girl.

short lived relationship. you were really sexual on the phone and text/facebook chat/aim but not in person and we never did anything. and you were an instigator. and that’s that. 

8. Internet Friend.

don’t really have one, but i am really interested in Brain-Food’s blogs. 

9. Someone I’d Like To Meet.

all my favorite authors, writers, screen-writers, directors,artist [musical and otherwise] actors, and especially my favorite comedians. i would list them but there are toooo many ! 

10. Someone I Don’t Talk To As Much As I Want To.

Starting with my recently graduated seniors [congrats. btw] : A.Wagz and Mjae, we became friends towards the end of this past school year, i wish we had done so earlier in life but it didn’t work out that way, but i really enjoyed the times we did have. Dave: you’re the coolest. simple as that. and i we just never got to hangout outside of school except once. stay golden pony-boy. Other than Seniors: Ashley [ Big Head], we’re bestfriends but we don’t talk as much as we used to, let’s change that. and my boy James: we were best friends in Middle School and we still hangout from time to time, but not nearly enough. this will be changed. I Love all of you Guys. 

Paxton: Well, I am Paxton Harding Of Harding Imports, and you, must be the guys who are gonna save Ben Selleck Motors.

Don: Yeah, that’s the idea.

Paxton: I didn’t catch your name friend. 

Don: That’s because i didn’t give it to you FRIEND.

Paxton: Well, a couple of friends ought to know each other’s names right ?

Don:My Name’s Don Ready.

Paxton: Alright, i guess i won that little exchange. haha, you fell for it. 

[about a minute later]

Ivy’s Mom: you know, Paxton here is in on of the most popular bands in Temecula, Balls Out. 

Paxton: No, Big Up’s.

Ivy’s Mom: Big up’s, right. 

Don: Either way.

[everyone laughs]

Paxton: Big Up’s is the name of the band. It’s me, and Ricky, and Jason, and you know we sing about life, and love, and passion and..i’m not gonna lie to you, we..have some pretty SICK dance moves ! 

Don: Are..Are you in a Boy Band ?

Paxton:No, i’m in a Man Band. We’re all over 30, we call it a Man Band.

Don: You’re men in a Boy Band.

Paxton: We opened for O-Town, right here in Temecula, okay, Google it !

Brent: No.

Paxton: Google it.

Brent: No.

Paxton: Why wouldn’t you Google it ? i just told you to Google it. Google Big Up’s !

Babs: I Googled it, it said you fucking blow .

[everyone laughs]

Paxton: That was O-Town’s website. 

Classic .